Unhappy New Year Part Three 

Last October my youngest daughter, Debby, was blind-sided by her adored husband saying he no longer wanted to be married. He loved her like a friend and saw no reason they could not be roommates. She, sobbing her heart out, saw no reason for him to stay and asked (told) him to leave immediately. 

After he eventually agreed to try to make things work, they went for counseling together and individually. He was back in the house and things were rocky, but leveling out. A few weeks ago there was a ” breakthrough” as the counselor put it. Everyone agreed. A few days later Deb’s husband stated, “I want a divorce!”

Another tragedy this year. When one of our family hurts, we all hurt. Please, no more. I need there to be no more. I need.

Unhappy New Year Part Two

In Part One I had written about my son and his family evacuating their home, my mother’s cat’s demise, and my mother’s death. Since then the house was red-tagged and now has been demolished leaving them “paying mortgage on a pile of rubble,” as one news report put it. Mom’s “celebration of life” was held February 5th, and life has continued if heavily. 

A week after my mother passed away I got word that a former pastor had an unexpected heart attack and died. The next evening my beautiful Christel, a teacher and a marathoner, was out for a run. She wears reflective tape and is cautious at intersections, especially since a friend was killed recently while running with a group. Approaching an intersection just a few blocks into her run, she checked to make sure no one was signaling or slowing to turn. As she ran into the street a driver abruptly made the turn, hitting her. The car kept going, leaving her lying on the street in the path of traffic. She couldn’t move and lay there screaming for help. A couple of people heard her and moved her out of the street. Someone called 911. My daughter was taken to the hospital where tests revealed the femoral head of her right leg had been completely broken off of the femur.

Christel had surgery the following morning. What the doctor called “pins” and I call “screws” were used to reattach the leg to its head. She was forbidden to walk with any weight on that leg, drive or return to work for six weeks. Currently she is able to put 25% of her weight on it and will be back to work soon. She is such a fighter, that one. As of today, March 21st, the }#%^*%{ driver has not been found. Apparently my daughter mistook the make and/or model while flying through the air.

A couple of days later a longtime friend, Alice, passed away from the cancer she had been fighting. Her children and mine had been in elementary school together, some as very close friends.  By this time I was numb much of the time. When I wasn’t numb it seems I was crying. No loud wailing sounds, just tears falling. I hardly knew why I was crying each time. The smallest things could set me off, and still do. Restaurants, especially Red Lobster, where we had eaten with mom. The new tennis shoes we had bought her not yet worn. News that had me reaching for the phone to share with mom. Cats that look like George. Facebook posts from others who are grieving, particularly Alice’s daughter. All which will fade a little in intensity, at least enough to let me breathe.

And, as a brief return to form, I say this.

At least I have politics to rile me up…

Talking Aloud in Silence

There is nobody here yet to hold and love,

Alone in this room I wait.              

For company who understands my hurt, 

Knows how to both love and hate.
We hurt for our losses and that for ourselves
We feel pain for each other’s grief.

We hold on to love we try to find hope

We hunger for peace and relief.
Alone in this silence I wait for return

Of the love and the hope and good dreams.

I know we’ll be happy together again

In a future as good as it seems.

In A  Night

Toss and turn too hot too cold 

Breathing drawn in, sorrows untold

Seeking solace, ease, peace, sleep. 

Dreams arrive at last, burning deep

Demanding the treasures be a sacrifice

On an alter crafted of man’s every vice.

In reaching for the clouds I begin to fly

Rising higher without will into a brilliant sky, 

Finding more like me in the clouds nearby.

Below are many sleepers seeking solace and peace

I whisper to them  and their fears they release.  

Ease and comfort I breathe into their sleep

As I drift back to earth I find that I weep

For joy in the freedom the dreaming has brought

And the comfort and solace bruised soul had sought.
Denise A. Carr    March, 2016